he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
