she looked like the bat from fern gully.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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