I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
