Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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