I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
