I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
