I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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