I puked a lego.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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