U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
