...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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