To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
