We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Randomize
