I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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