the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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