and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
