just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
