I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
