He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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