So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
