Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
