Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize