Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
