Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
