Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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