I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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