I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
