you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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