I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm too high and old for this...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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