Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize