I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
