Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
