i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize