I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
