my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize