ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
