you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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