Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
