My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
