I wish I could teleport
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish i was in the wii world.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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