I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
