What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize