Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
