im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
