I'm really into asian looking animals
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
