I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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