Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
