He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
