Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
