The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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