captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
