I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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