Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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