I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize