please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
