I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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