New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
