Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize