Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
