And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I deserve this hangover.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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