he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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