She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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