I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You need Xanax blowdarts
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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