I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
