the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize