Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize