we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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