i need an iv and a liver transplant
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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