you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
