Umm I'm too high to move.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
