My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
