Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
