Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
