We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
