You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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