I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
