The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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