He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
In America we eat man semen.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize