somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
