lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
