i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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