Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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