Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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