Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
