we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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