It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
