I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
