No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
