he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
