I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
