my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
