umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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