At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
