If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
