oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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