don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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