He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
