allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
