Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
