you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
