I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
