you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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