i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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