Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
